How to Win Friends & Influence People

May 6, 2008 lilstoney

Building Personal Relationships

Never criticize, condemn or complain: People very rarely criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they may be. Your criticism will not be welcome. “I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” – Ben Franklin Criticism puts others on the defensive, hurts self-esteem and builds resentment. Criticism is futile. Positive Reinforcement works better. Example: Reprimanding soldiers for not wearing their helmets is less effective than asking if the helmets are uncomfortable and reminding them that the hats were designed for their protection.Make the other person feel important.

People yearn to feel important and appreciated.

Continually recognizing someone’s expertise and capabilities will make them feel important. They will want to demonstrate their expertise by possibly helping you.“I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” – Charles Schwab.

Give others clear authority over a part of a larger project and help them understand their tangible contributions. They’ll become more committed to the success of the project.

Be sincere and avoid flattery. However, obvious, over-the-top flattery can often win smiles and carry the same favor as if it were sincere.